I WANT TO BE AT THE BEACH!

On the way back from Sao Paulo, I managed to lose my cell phone. I would like to pretend that I handled this misfortune with dignity and poise.

I did not.

I won't go into details. But it was ugly. I pretty much had a melt down there in the bus terminal. Think Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation: Clark Griswald flips like David

I have to buy another phone despite my complete poverty. This morning, I set out to accomplish this seemingly simple task so that I could peacefully enjoy this beautiful day on the beach.

First on my list was TIM. It took me exactly one hour to find the store. AN HOUR!

First, the store was on Constante Ramos (it wasn't). Then it was Barão de Ipanema right in front of the school (it wasn't). No, no, no... It's at the corner of Nossa Senhora and Santa Clara! (it wasn't). No, it's at Siqueira Campos and Nossa Senhora, but the store has closed down. Go look on the door for directions to the new location (it did just so happen to be there, and it WAS NOT closed).

It's nearly 40 degrees Celsius outside today. Get your story straight, people.

Okay, so I arrive at the TIM store, finally. I walk in and glance around. The atmosphere is tense. The salespeople are rushing about looking at the floor with drawn faces.

There is a middle aged woman seated at one of the booths. Screaming. That's right. S C R E A M I N G. Poor thing apparently had a problem they weren't finding a solution for. She was grabbing papers. Yelling at the other customers who tried to back away from her discretely. The store clerks were trying to calm her with little success. She had a very high pitched nasal voice that sounded like a finger nails on a chalk board... or many it was just because she was hysterical with rage.

I was so tired and sweaty I just plopped down in a chair and watched the fireworks for a few minutes. Agitated, let me tell ya. I just wish I had my video camera with me. I could have put it one youtube and made T-shirts to sell. "SCREAMING TIM LADY - VOU TE MATAAAAAR!" Shit, I'd make a fortune.

I finally got up to talk to a sales person about my phone to be informed the only phones they had cost at least R$400. Okay, that's bullshit, thanks for your help.

This is another phenomenon. People hear my American accent and immediately think: "rich and stupid. I'm going to screw this guy over." The problem is I'm ACTUALLY poor and stupid. But at least I know more or less what things are supposed to cost. Jerks.

So I go to Vivo where they couldn't help me since their credit card system was broken. I then visited Claro only to be informed that, yes they did have a phone for R$99, but it would cost R$150 to unblock it. More bullshit. I JUST WANT TO BUY A PHONE, PEOPLE!!

I called it quits there since my mouth was dry from dehydration and I had no cash to buy a drink. I'm now going to get a bus to the Botafogo shopping mall and try the larger TIM store there. Hopefully they'll be a little more organized and have a few phones for sale under the R$400 range. I sure hope I make it to the beach today...

edit: I went to the mall and left in under 10 minutes with a cell phone. They even helped me keep my old number. Score.