The log flume at Six Flags

The last time I traveled (to Europe) I was doing an internship in Spain. Knowing I couldn't very well look like a slob at my office, I packed pretty much every article of clothing in regular use at the time.

Fool.

I was over the limit by 10 pounds. Flustered, I quickly stuffed ~10lbs. of clothes into a plastic bag I found. Which I then lugged all over DFW airport for the rest of the day because the flight was full. Our journey took us many places, but I must recall the bag's appearance at the Charles De Gaulle... where it exploded (EXPLODED!).

On a staircase.
With French people surging up behind me.

Hurried
Impatient
Anti-American
French people
SURGING!

I was fortunate to have that fortuitous ball of clothing since the airline lost my luggage. I received it a week before I returned to the US. Buying clothes in the Eurozone made my bank account hemorrhage (HEMORRHAGE!).

This time I wasn't going to be an idiot. I packed one duffel which came in well under the limit. I was so proud of my travel savoir...

Then I got a job and moved here.

I now wash clothes like I had two year old twins who shared a bad can of tuna. To make things more interesting, I have no washing machine or dryer nor any prospect of buying one. The laundry mat is also too expensive (I checked...)

How then...? Let me instruct you, fair reader on the art of

WASHING CLOTHES BY HAND

At first, I was ineffectual in the extreme. My clothes were not clean and I'd waste hours sloshing water all over the place. Finally, I gave up and began filching clothes from Ricardo's closet when he was at work (He's much smaller than me - it wasn't pretty). Eventually tired of catcalls, I buckled down to it and made a system.

1. Soak all clothes for at least 20 minutes in detergent.


2. Rub them vigorously against a washboard (ELBOW GREASE!)


3. Apply soap to stains and use a brush on the spots (growling helps)


4. Rinse. I rinse my clothes in the shower because it doesn't get water everywhere. Please, don't tell this to Ricardo. (If he learns English one day, remind me to delete this post). Rinse until no more suds are visible.


5. WRING IT OUT! This is in caps because it requires exuberance. Lots. Especially jeans.


6. Hang on clothes line. Jeans and knit shirts go towards the front. Socks to the back. (duh.) Fortunately, we live on the top floor and the breeze is a freaking hurricane.


7. Ironing is the devil. But you must do it or people think you're too poor to have a maid. It gets faster with practice.

Though it takes time, washing clothes by hand is a great activity if you have a lot of stress in your life. All of these activities will develop your grip as well and rough up your hands giving you a "masculine aura"!

Important Note: if you leave your clothes in a heap after working out, no amount of VIGOROUS SCRUBBING will take out the noisome smell of stagnant log flume water at Six Flags. The evil-smell demons will hiss at you when you burn them.

I recommend a crucifix.

So there you go people! Now you too can travel light or live in poverty in Latin America - whatever the case may be!