I'm just big boned...

Since my original plan was to travel through Brazil like the adventurous rebel I am, every article of clothing that went in the duffel was scrutinized for portability and necessity. In the end, I only packed two pants - a pair of jeans and a pair of khakis.

Now that I am married, employed with two kids, a minivan and a mortgage, it's been a pain to keep these two clean - especially since in my apartment laundry is defined as:

3(soap+washboard+sink+rinse+wring) + clothesline^airdry + iron =
"The olden days sucked! Give me a fricken washing machine!"

Then the khakis got a hole in the crotch that shows my boxers when I sit down.

Fortunately, Ricardo lent me some huge, baggy jeans he just happened to have from his ancient "skater days." Needless to say, they fit me snuggly. Too snuggly...

On a long distance call with an American Executive, I sat down at the table only to feel the entire seat of my pants literally explode. (see Twitter) They ripped open from top all the way down my ass to the pant leg.

If that's not depressing, try taking them to the seamstress only to have an old woman laugh at your distress. Or then there was the sales assistant at the clothing store who guessed my size when I walked in.

Not only could I not button the jeans he picked, he eventually had to pull out the "one more size bigger and you have to shop at the fatty store" jeans to accommodate my huge butt.

Geez! I'm only a size 32 in the US!!! What is up with you Brazilians and your tiny perfectly shaped rears?? Oh... yeah. Pretty much no processed foods whatsoever and most fat in the diet coming from dairy or olive oil. And genetics... that might have something to do with it.

Fine.

It did help that they tailored my pants for free.

(Again see Twitter: this story has been unfolding all week and you didn't even now it)

new pants
now I have four!
(two are in the hospital)